Dealing with Deep Seeded Trauma

Many people know that today, September 27th, is the anniversary of my firstborn daughter’s death. 


What many people don’t know is-it is not her death itself that haunts me- 


We knew from the moment we found out about her fatal congenital heart defect when I was five months pregnant that the chances of a happily ever after were slim to none. We chose life at the time anyways- whatever that was going to look like for however long it was going to be. 


So when we chose an experimental surgery to try when she was born we were given some unexpected hope. It was this hope we were not prepared for- 


We went from grieving to hoping she was going to make it- and she actually did for two whole months- we were gifted 60 additional days with her- but when left us- it was sudden and I wasn’t there with her. That is what haunts me.


You see the day she died played out like a scene from a sad sad lifetime movie- 


We had finally believed she would be okay- I was preparing to return to work so my husband and I decided to go out for a date. The first one in ages. We left Azaria with a babysitter.  We were only planning to be gone long enough to see a movie-


Before the movie I excitedly ran into a shop and bought her birth announcements- I tucked them happily away in my purse and we went to the theater. 


The movie was just about over when a worker came in and announced he was looking for me- he said there was an emergency. I looked at my husband and just knew.


The ER doctor’s words haunt me. “She’s gone” I remember thinking “but I have the announcements”.


When I was pregnant I thought about her dying and how I would hold her until her last breath- 


That day has been a day hard to think about over the years- the deep hurt is one I am not sure will ever fully heal but I have found two essential oils to be very healing. There is a whole science as to why essential oils would help- I have another post on my blog that goes into more depth.


There was a study out of New York University that proved the amygdala gland ( the gland in the limbic system of the brain that stores and releases trauma in the body) does not respond to sound or sight or touch, but ONLY releases emotional trauma through the sense of smell."


I am so thankful for  these two therapeutic oils of choice and use them weekly at minimum. If you are interested in more information please reach out.

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